Proverbs 16:32
He that is slow to anger is better than the mighty; and he that ruleth his spirit than he that taketh a city.

There are five possible ways of managing anger.  I’ll tell you now, the first three can be very harmful and they don’t resolve the problem!

SUPPRESSION is denying that you are angry.  Clamming up can lead to many physical and/or emotional problems, and often the person can only hold things in so long and winds up exploding eventually anyway.

OPEN AGGRESSION includes yelling, stomping, complaining, arguing, criticizing, blaming, throwing things and even physically harming someone else.  Basically it’s a rude way of saying, “I want my own way!”

PASSIVE AGGRESSION is a quiet way of expressing anger, but is still inconsiderate and selfish.  It includes shutting down, procrastinating, sulking, denying anything is wrong, and complaining behind the person’s back.  The passive-aggressive person usually hates conflict.

ASSERTIVENESS is the way God desires for us to handle our anger.  It’s a positive means of letting others know your thoughts and desires, while communicating in a respectful manner.  It’s simply Ephesians 4:15  in action.  It’s “speaking the truth in love.”  When we learn to do this, we can work toward finding solutions to our problems or finding ways to cope with them.  Most times, others will be willing to work with us if we maintain our composure.

LETTING GO OF ANGER is necessary when you realize that nothing else will work.  Although you may have tried making adjustments or being assertive, you realize and accept that you cannot control the situation.  It is YOUR choice to tolerate the other person’s differences, put away angry feelings, and choose to forgive Ephesians 4:31-32 .  New events may cause old hurts and frustrations to resurface.  Remind yourself of your choice to forgive and commit to the same choice with this new episode.

By Ann Shorb

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